It turns out I’m great at giving advice. As a result I have turned on the “ask” feature of my tumblr. Feel free to ask me to solve the numerous horrible problems in your life, and then I will do it. Keep in mind they’re probably all your fault though, and that can be hard to hear.
An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the problem Science has with God, the Almighty. He asked one of his new Christian students to stand.
Professor:You are a Christian, aren't you, son?
Professor:So, you believe in God?
Professor:Is God good?
Professor:My brother died of cancer, even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is God good, then? Hmm?
(Student was silent)
Professor:You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Professor:Is Satan good?
Professor:Where does Satan come from?
Professor:That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Professor:Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Professor:So who created evil?
(Student didn't answer)
Professor:Is there sickness? Immortality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Professor:So, who created them?
(Student had no answer)
Professor:Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son.. have you ever seen God?
Professor:Tell us if you have ever heard your God.
Professor:Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God, for that matter?
Student:No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor:Yet you still believe in Him?
Professor:According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, Science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student:Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor:Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student:Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Student:And is there such a thing as Cold?
Student:No, sir, there isn't.
(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events)
Student:Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of Heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was a pin-drop silence in the Lecture Theatre)
Student:What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor:Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student:You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light... But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and it's called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it is, You would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Professor:So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student:Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor:Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student:Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor:If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes of course, I do.
Student:Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going)
Student:Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
(The class was in uproar)
Student:Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class broke out into laughter)
Student:Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? .. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable and Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable)
Professor:I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student:That is it, sir.. exactly! The link between man and God is Faith. That is all that keeps things alive and moving!
That student was Albert Einstein.
"It was, of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it."
The "Albert Einstein" in the story above suggests that "hot" and "cold" do not exist as cold is merely the absence of heat. The analogy is that evil only exists where God is absent. This is a fair enough argument that God does not "create" evil, only allows it to happen by not intervening. This does well enough to rationalize the existence of evil when one wishes for the existence of a good God, although it does nothing to prove that God is in fact real. You could offer just as compelling an argument that "Good" only exists where an evil deity is absent, that doesn't mean that Darth Vader controls the Universe.
The argument that evolution cannot be proved because it has not been observed as it is happening is ridiculous. There is a great deal of evidence to suggest evolution has happened. Evidence gathering is fundamental to the scientific process. If you walked into a room with a high table and the shards of a broken coffee cup on the ground next to it, it would be reasonable to infer - given your experience with the physical world - that the cup fell from the table and smashed on the floor. I could argue that there was in fact never an intact cup, and that someone created each of those shards individually and placed them below the table in such a way that they would appear to be a smashed coffee cup. You can tell me which is the more likely scenario.
Just because no one has ever seen the professor's brain doesn't mean the professor doesn't have a brain. Many people have seen many other people's brains, so again we can assume that the professor does have a brain. Although the fact that he was so easily bested by philosophical card tricks by a student posing as Einstein may actually be evidence that he was lacking some vital piece of his cognitive organ.
A few years ago Gap Jeans asked me to appear in one of their ads. I wrote back: ‘Dear Gap, I might put on a pair of your jeans if you were to pay me a billion dollars, but even then I would have serious reservations.’ I get letters from people telling me they got married to The Ship Song, or that they buried their best friend to Into My Arms, and I don’t want them to look at the TV and see that they buried their friend to a Cornetto ad or something. I feel some sense of responsibility about that, even though they wave enormous sums of money at you. That’s where my muse puts her foot down.